Dear Lads and Ladies of VHS Graphic Design,
I finished my first week at the new job. It honkin’ rocked and I love being a Technology Wizard because I’m swimming in iPads. The little lads and ladies are pretty cool too. I have to admit that I fought back the tears all week (hypothetical tears since The Wolverine never sheds tears). The first day was a killer. I thought about all the stuff I covered the first day in Graphic Design for the past three years.
On day one I always set up crazy expectations and watched the slackers cower in fear. I enjoyed introducing you to the proper usage of the word ‘honkin’. I promised a brand-spankin’-new iPad for the top design student and I watched you drool like a pack of rabies infected dogs. Hopefully, you all remember the number one rule—be cool! I taught you to respect the iMacs, the cameras, your workspace, graphics tablets, and the coffee pot. You were introduced to the “conference table” and assured that I would prevail in all ping-pong matches. Competition, file naming conventions, perfection, and Apple indoctrination were all drilled into your brilliant brains from day one.
I appreciate all of you (even the ones who hated me). You helped me laugh. You challenged me. You changed my thinking on a few things and taught me how to pronounce “Kid Cudi” (by the way, you shouldn’t be listening to that stuff). You didn’t take me too seriously even though I was a bit too serious most of the time. You were patient, forgiving, and understanding. You proved that teenagers are not animals, but deep thinkers waiting for a shot at something great. You created great designs and I’ll always be proud of you. You made me more creative.
Class of 2014. I will miss you guys so honkin’ badly. If I were on T-Mobile in 2008 you would be on my Fave 5 list above Charles Barkley. You were so cool in your junior year I can’t image how cool you are this year. Your class has talent and opportunities so don’t muddle it up in your last year. When you’re rich and famous please help me retire, get me an iPad, or at least put a Starbucks in Sanders (and give me free drinks).
I will miss all of you. No worries though. I’m sure we will see each other around. I’m on the other side of the Puerco. If the construction company doesn’t wreck the bridge I’m sure I’ll see y’all at a few games. You will have a great year without me. You’ll be having so much fun that no one will notice I’m missing. Your new teacher is an exceptional designer. She will train you to be a Black-Belt Design Ninja.
Take care of the lab. Get a job. Buy an Apple product. Be cool. Take it to the next level. Do something with your life. Friend me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram. Don’t waste your teenage years. Buy me an iPad for Christmas or my birthday. Think different(ly). I will miss you all in a non-creepy way.